“Is This Normal?” The Silent Struggle of Postpartum Mental Health

I don’t know about you, but the story I was told growing up about having a baby was that it’s the most beautiful, meaningful, and fulfilling thing a woman can do. That it’s a privilege — a miracle. And while that might be true some of the time, there’s also a side of birth and new motherhood that doesn’t get talked about enough: the dark, lonely, and emotionally painful side of bringing life into the world.

Have you caught yourself silently asking:

·       “Is it normal to cry every day after having a baby?”

·       “Why do I feel so anxious even though I love my baby?”

·       “What are the symptoms of postpartum depression?”

If so, you’re not alone. You’re not broken. You’re not crazy.
You’re a mom navigating one of the hardest — and most life-altering — transitions of your life.

As a marriage and family therapist certified in perinatal mental health, I hear these questions all the time. And I want to help you understand what’s really going on — because when you can name it, you can start healing from it.

Let’s Get the Facts Straight

1. Postpartum mental health is more than just depression.
   While postpartum depression (PPD) is often the focus, postpartum mental health challenges can also include anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), rage, and even psychosis. These conditions can look very different from one person to the next — and none of them are signs of weakness or failure.

2. Struggling with your mental health does not mean you're going to have a psychotic break.
   Postpartum psychosis is extremely rare, occurring in about 0.2% of postpartum individuals — that’s roughly 2 out of every 1,000 births. It typically begins within the first few weeks after birth and is considered a psychiatric emergency. Most people with postpartum mental health struggles never experience psychosis.

3. ‘Baby blues’ and postpartum depression are not the same.
   The “baby blues” affects up to 80% of new parents and usually shows up within the first 2–3 weeks postpartum. It may include mood swings, irritability, weepiness, or feeling overwhelmed, and it’s often linked to the rapid hormonal changes and the emotional adjustment to new parenthood.
   If these feelings persist beyond two weeks or interfere with your ability to function, it may be more than the baby blues — and could signal postpartum depression.

4. Intrusive thoughts are more common than you think.
   Many new parents experience unwanted, scary, or disturbing thoughts — about harm coming to their baby, or themselves. It’s important to understand: thoughts do not equal intent or action. Having intrusive thoughts doesn’t mean you’re dangerous or unfit — it means your brain is under stress. With support, they can be managed safely and effectively.

5. Postpartum mental health struggles can happen even if you “bonded” with your baby.

   Many people think if they love their baby or feel connected, they can’t have postpartum depression or anxiety — but that’s a myth. You can feel attached to your baby and still struggle. The two aren’t mutually exclusive.

6. These experiences are not just hormonal — they’re biopsychosocial.

   Yes, hormones play a role, but so do lack of sleep, birth trauma, NICU stays, feeding challenges, relationship stress, and loss of identity. Postpartum mental health is impacted by the whole environment, not just biology.

7. Postpartum mental health conditions can affect any birthing person — regardless of age, race, socioeconomic status, or number of children.

   It’s not just “first-time moms.” In fact, those who had no issues after one birth may still struggle after another. It’s not your fault — and no one is immune.

8. Postpartum symptoms can show up later than most people expect.

   It’s not always immediate. Symptoms of postpartum depression, anxiety, or OCD can emerge anytime in the first year (and in some cases, up to 2 years postpartum).

9. Fathers and non-birthing partners can experience perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, too.

   About 1 in 10 fathers develop symptoms of postpartum depression or anxiety — and their mental health deeply impacts family wellbeing.

10. There is help — and you don’t have to wait until it gets “really bad.”

    Support can include therapy, medication, support groups, lifestyle adjustments, and practical help at home. Early support often leads to faster and fuller recovery.You Deserve Support — Not Silence

If you’re struggling with your mental health after having a baby, please know this: you are not alone, you are not broken, and you are not a bad parent. The stories we’re often told about motherhood — that it’s always joyful, instinctual, or magical — can make it even harder to speak up when it’s not. But the truth is, postpartum mental health challenges are common, real, and treatable.

You don’t have to wait until things are unbearable. You don’t have to minimize your pain or explain it away. Whether you’re crying every day, constantly anxious, haunted by intrusive thoughts, or just not feeling like yourself — you deserve care, not shame.

Reaching out for help isn’t a sign of failure. It’s a courageous step toward healing — for you and the family you’re building.

You’re Not Alone — Where to Get Help

If You're in Crisis

Suicide & Crisis Lifeline — Call or Text 988 (available 24/7)
Website: https://988lifeline.org

Postpartum-Specific Support

Postpartum Support International (PSI)
Call: 1-800-944-4773
Text “HELP” to 800-944-4773 (English)
Text “AYUDA” to 971-203-7773 (Spanish)
Website: https://www.postpartum.net

In Case of Postpartum Psychosis

If someone is experiencing hallucinations, delusions, extreme confusion, or thoughts of harm:
- Call 911
- Go to the nearest emergency room
- Or call 988 and request urgent psychiatric support

References

Postpartum Support International. (n.d.). Postpartum psychosis help. https://postpartum.net/get-help/postpartum-psychosis-help/

Postpartum Support International. (n.d.). Understanding postpartum depression & anxiety. https://postpartum.net/learn-more/postpartum-depression/